The Mark Dykeman Web Niche

SEO is one of the most popular terms used in blogs these days, along with “web 2.0″, “facebook”, “paris hilton”, “ron paul” (actually, that’s just on the social news sites and it’s mainly wishful thinking), “impeach bush”, “make money blogging”, “successful like john chow”, “apple/iphone/ipod/too cool”, and “google ‘rules the world’”.

A “fishy” metaphor for SEO 

SEO stands for search engine optimization and wow, it’s big today.  SEO is an important part of content design.  The best way that I can describe SEO to the uninitiated is to imagine two fishermen in two different oceans.  Both fishermen are trying to catch fish but they use very different methods. 

The first fisherman uses a simple fishing rod with one kind of bait and hopes to catch some fish.  If he’s lucky, he’ll catch a couple of fish by the end of the day.  Maybe he’ll try to use more than one fishing line or a net at the same time.  Occasionally, he’ll try fishing in a different spot.  This fisherman, webmaster, or blogger, is not using SEO, he’s just doing his thing.

The second fisherman is also trying to catch fish, but she’s using hundreds of different fishing lines, each in different locations and at different depths.  She uses different kinds of bait to catch different kinds of fish.  In addition, she’s using nets, lobster traps, and she’s dragging along the bottom of the ocean to pick up the stuff that won’t come after her bait. 

The second fisherman has been adding to her fishing gear over time.  Now she’s got some spear fishers and clam diggers working for her as well.  Finally, on top of all that, if she’s really clever and she’s got a large operation, she’s fishing in more than one ocean - and she’s starting to think in terms of hunting on land and in the air, not just in the water.  Theoretically, this lady is going to catch many, many, many more fish that the first fisherman.  She is practicing the fishing equivalent of SEO.

So, if the blogger/writer/webmaster is the fisherman, then the fish are your potential readers and clients.  The fishing lines and bait are the lures or the attention getters that will attach those critical curious entities known as search engines.  Done properly, the fishing lines and bait (primarily key words and key phrases that search engines index) can pull readers towards your posts and articles.

For a somewhat more reliable definition of SEO, there’s always Old Faithful, Wikipedia.

SEO is big - it’s really, really big - to some people

Sounds great, doesn’t it?  SEO is a big thing to bloggers and webmasters because these two groups of people are trying to attract readers for two main reasons:

a)  to entertain, inform, or educate

b) to sell advertising or products, which might include the writer/blogger/webmaster

There’s an industry around SEO that is very important to a number of people because it pays their salaries and makes some of them wealthy.  I should be so lucky!

Danger - boredom and curiosity collide 

There are a lot of people that talk about this SEO practice.  After awhile, I started to get tired of reading about this stuff.  Then I thought, hm, let’s see how silly this whole thing is getting.  Be warned, you’re either going to find this extremely entertaining or extremely boring.  Numbers will be a prominent feature in this post.

Bascially, I did 256 searches on Google using an exact phrase match for the word “seo” and a different word.  Yes, it was a bit tedious.  I think I missed some important plot points during a Battlestar Galactica episode while I was doing this important research, but it was a small price to pay for advancing human knowledge.  The entire list of terms has been placed at the end of the post (see Appendix).

Most popular matches

Here are the top ten matches of the exact phrase “seo + another word“, including the number of hits that the phrase found:

king 140000
expert 74880
newbie 65300
master 63000
guru 59000
analyst 26400
comic 25000
agent 11200
nun 7830
coach 7340

 Yes, I was surprised at how well the terms “comic” and “nun” did, too.

The terms that yielded zero (0) matches (seo + “term”)

Now, this set of 91 searches did not yield any matches at all:

barbarian hobgoblin pervert sergeant supergirl
bedwetter homey pig servant superhero
boner jellyfish plebe sheep swami
buttload jerkoff policeman shogun swindler
cabbie kobold pope sifu tadpole
clownfish lardass priest sister toad
cornhole lobster psychic skeleton toothpick
councillor man-o-war psycho sneeze uncle
detritus microserf puke sniper vampire
drooler mooch pusher snob villain
dumpster nebbish quarterback snot vomit
excrement nuker referee sod wanker
goober nutball reverend sorceror warlock
gramma nutjob saboteur spaz watcher
grammie orc sailor stormtrooper watchmen
grampie padwan samurai striker whale
grampy pappy sausage succubus whore
grandmother pastor scout superboy yogi
guppy

But maybe there’s more to this.  Could someone be hiding something?

So, just for fun, I took this group of 91 terms and I performed an additional search for both words, but without an exact phrase match.  This would show me the number of times that these two words appeared in the same document.  Maybe, just maybe, there would be a relationship between these two words.

First of all, here’s the bottom 11 matches.  These words occurred together on with less than 100 matches:

hobgoblin 89
kobold 77
buttload 67
lardass 49
drooler 30
nutball 17
grampy 9
nebbish 6
grampie 4
grammie 2
microserf 2

OK, here’s where the real fun begins.  Now I’m going postulate a bunch of semi-serious ideas based on these results:

1)  Hobgoblins and kobolds are underrepresented in the SEO space.  Their orc, goblin, and ogre brethern are a few steps further up the ladder.  (Note:  forgot to check on the bugbears and the owlbears.  Shame about that).  Hobgoblins and kobolds, you need to sharpen your wits if you want to survive in this Web 2.0 world!  Come out of the dark ages!

2)  Buttload, lardass, drooler, nebbish, nutball - these terms all fared rather poorly.  I think that’s a good thing!

3)  Grammie, Grampie, Grampy - near the bottom.  Possible ageism here, although I think that the grandmothers, grandfathers, and other terms are keeping them afloat.

4)  SEO and microserf came dead last.  I don’t know what to make of that either.  I forgot to check for Unix and Linus and Apple associations.  Shucks.

The hidden connections - revealed!

OK, now we have the real gems!  Here are the words that didn’t seem to go together, but it appears there’s more going on here that we might have thought….

sister 31100
reverend 20300
whore 18400
nuker 16500
samurai 13700
sniper 12800
pig 12300
pope 12000
uncle 10900
scout 8950

And now, here’s some more highly-questionable analysis:

 1)  Hidden religious currents in the  SEO world:  witness the associations with pope, sister, and reverend.

2)  Subtle family ties in the SEO world:  witness uncle and sister.

3)  Violent characters in the SEO world:  witness samurai, nuker, sniper, scout.  Oddly enough, SEO ninjas (which you would think to be rather stealthy) are much more visible than the samurai.  Kind of dangerous:  don’t the samurai have better armor or something?

4)  Vile connections in the SEO world:  witness whore and pig.

Obvious the “SEO kings” are pretty sneaky.  Who knows what more searching might reveal?   

Random surprises

Here’s a few other tidbits for those of you who are still reading curious about these searches: 

• “SEO queen” received 305 matches, compared to 140000 matches for “SEO king”.  Ladies, stop letting the men steal your spotlight!
• “SEO jedi” only received 250 matches.  I think the Sith are up to something.
• “SEO maven” got less than 100 matches.  Seems rather low.
• “SEO funkmaster” only got 16 matches.  Man, somebody’s gotta make something happen there!
• “SEO sensei” only got 2 matches.  I smell opportunity!
• On the expanded searches, there was clearly more “SEO vomit” than “SEO puke”

Well, there you have it.  There’s a fair amount of SEO chatter out there.  I guess it is important after all.  If I were you, though, I’d spend my time looking for a SEO king - it’s your best guarantee for a match! 

Incidentally, “Britney Spears” yielded 2.8 million hits while “Paris Hilton” only yielded 2.2 million.  And “Lindsay Lohan” got less than 1.0 million!  Damnit, what’s wrong with this world?

Appendix:  256 words that go with SEO, or not

So, this is the complete list of terms that I queried with an exact phrase match search using the word “seo” and each of these terms below:

agent ceo drone grandmother mackerel nutjob samurai superhero
ambassador champion drooler grandpa madam ogre sausage superman
analyst chancellor dumpster grasshopper mage orc scout superstar
ape chef dunce guard magician padwan seal surfer
apprentice chief dweeb guardian major papa sensei swami
ass chimp error guppy man-o-war pappy sergeant swindler
asshole cio excavator guru marine pastor servant tadpole
assistant clam excrement head master pervert shark teacher
aunt clone expert hero maven pig sheep therapist
baker clownfish fairy herring mayor pimp shogun toad
barbarian coach father ho mechanic plebe sifu toothpick
bartender colonel fiend hobgoblin microserf policeman sister tutor
bedwetter comic fish homeboy miner pope skeleton uncle
bishop commander flasher homey mixer president sleuth vampire
boatload cook flunky horse mofo priest smoke victim
bomb cop funkmaster iceberg monk prince sneeze victor
bomber cornhole gangsta illusion monkey princess sniper villain
bone councillor gangster imp mooch principal snob vomit
boner cow ghoul jedi moron professor snot wanker
boob crab gimp jellyfish mother psychic sod warlock
bookie crack goblin jerk n00b psycho soldier watcher
brainiac crackpot godfather jerkoff nanny puke sorceror watchdog
brat crap goober junk nebbish punk spammer watchmen
brother criminal googler king nerd pusher spaz weakness
bugger cto goon kobold newb quarterback specialist whale
butler detritus gramma lackey newbie queen spider whore
butthead dick grammie lad ninja rabbit squid winner
butthole dickhead grammy lardass noob referee stormtrooper witch
buttload doctor grampie lass nuker reverend striker wizard
cabbie dog grampy leech nun rockstar succubus wolf
captain dope grandfather lobster nut saboteur superboy yogi
cat drip grandma loonie nutball sailor supergirl zombie